i have a name for you (to convey my love)
by ChocolateWonder
Summary: James comes up with a (cliche) nickname for Lily, resulting in some humorous bantering. Rated K plus for few implications of naughty activities, interpret how you like.


**Written for…**

 **Hogwarts**

 **Roald Dahl Day-** 143\. Lollydoodles - Write about an awful or cheesy nickname/term of endearment.

 **Love in Motion-** (Marauder) Lily/James

 **Writing Club- |Showtime, Act One|** Farmer Refuted: (dialogue) "It's hard to listen to you with a straight face."

 **Back to School Event:** 9\. (object) Roll of Parchment

 **HPFC**

 **Are You Crazy Enough to Do It Challenge-** 394\. (restriction) Only dialogue for the whole story and has to be at least 300 words

 **Word Count: 1,051**

…oOo…

"Flower?"

"James, don't call me that."

"But I like it. It suits you."

"It's annoying and it's insulting."

"How is it insulting?"

"You're insinuating that bees are attracted to me."

"If those bees are boys, then yes, that is true."

"Potter!"

"I thought I was James now. You know, ever since we—"

"If you dare blurt that out to the common room, I will kill you."

"What, are you ashamed?"

"Kind of."

"Flower, I'm offended. Am I really that bad of a—"

"Don't call me Flower, Potter."

"Then don't call me Potter. Call me James. You weren't so shy last week when we were—"

"Wotcher, Evans. Prongs, please do finish that sentence. And preferably yell it."

"Black, get lost. Potter, if you dare finish that sentence, I will castrate you."

"Why? Are you afraid of Prongs announcing your dirty secret?"

"Shut your mouth, Black. And I don't have any d-dirty secrets."

"Then why are you blushing?"

"I'm irritated."

"You don't sound so certain—OW! What the bloody—"

"Black! There are eleven-year-olds here! Shut your filthy mouth!"

"I'm pretty sure they've all heard you swooning at the top of your lungs—OW!"

"You deserved that, mate."

"You're next."

" _What?!_ What did I do?"

"You pissed me off by calling me a stupid nickname and implying that I'm doing inappropriate things with you—"

"Lily? What's going on here? Padfoot, why're you lying on the ground and clutching your stomach?"

"This devil of a woman—she hit me!"

"Lily?"

"I did, but only because he was being a wanker."

"I was only telling the truth! You and James are doing naughty things!"

"Padfoot, shut up."

"Prongs! I thought you were on my side!"

"Yeah, but Lily's my girlfriend. She will beat the shit out of me if she wants."

"I knew there was a reason I liked you. And mind your language."

"Sorry."

"I'm scandalized! Moony, tell this traitor to come to my side."

"Sorry, Padfoot, I'm taking their side. There is one thing I'm wondering about though: how did this all begin?"

"Well, it started with a horrible nickname..."

...oOo…

"Oh. Now I understand."

"Now you see why I was inclined to sock him in the stomach."

"Because he's a dirty-minded prat."

"Precisely."

"I still don't see why this is my fault."

" _Padfoot."_

" _Black."_

"At least let me tell you my side of the story!"

"Yeah, right—"

"Lily, let's just let him down gently. Go on, Padfoot."

"Okay, so I hear Prongs and Lily argue-flirting—why are you laughing?"

"It's hard to listen to you with a straight face."

"Moony, tell Lily to stop being mean!"

"Do it yourself, Padfoot. You're not a five-year-old."

"Fine. Gang up against me."

"Just get on with it, Padfoot."

"All right, so I hear Prongs flirt-arguing with Flower—"

"Stop calling me Flower!"

"Will you be quiet and listen to my story?"

"Sorry, but no one wants to hear your dumb story. Everyone knows who's the right one."

"I am."

"Watch out, Padfoot, she's a feisty one."

"'Feisty'? That's what you think of me?"

"Ooo, someone's in trouble."

"Don't think you're no longer my target, Black, because you're next."

"Lily, calm down! You don't need to get riled up over a nickname. Besides, you _are_ feisty, but that is balanced out by your beauty, your kindness—"

"I beg to differ."

"Moony, please tell him to go."

"Padfoot, go make out with some girl or something."

"But I've snogged them all! And you know I—"

"Then go snog a _boy_ , for heavens' sake. Just please leave."

"Moony, it would be actually nice if you left too."

"Hey! I don't do that! And besides, I'm not disloyal to—have you forgotten I fancy someone?"

"Considering the way you ogle them when they're not looking, I'd say you do."

"I don't _ogle—_ "

"Just _go,_ Padfoot."

"Fine. But I'm calling a meeting later to finish my story."

" _Sirius Orion Black."_

"Okay, okay, I'm going! How'd you know my middle name anyway?"

"I found a roll of parchment lying on the floor in Transfiguration with your and Remus's initials, full names, and hearts doodled all over it."

"…Moony, I need to confess something to you."

"I figured."

" _Ahem._ Could you lovebirds take this elsewhere?"

"Look who's talking."

" _Black."_

"Leaving! Moony!"

"Good, they're gone."

"Probably to snog in some broom closet."

"Honestly, those two nauseate me. I mean, it's bad enough we regularly catch them staring at each other with lovesick expressions."

"Well, what do you expect? They fancy each other. They're like us when you realized you liked me. You weren't exactly subtle with your staring."

"I didn't _stare_."

"Right, and Sirius is my father. That's bollocks, Evans, you totally had the hots for me."

"All right, I did. That _was_ a nice time."

" _Was?"_

"Well, you were a perfect gentleman. Then you started showing traces of your old self."

"How?"

"Like giving me nicknames against my will."

"I thought we had moved past that."

"I'm still annoyed."

"As I was saying before, you're beautiful, kind, smart, selfless, and a kick-butt kind of girl."

"…I _am_ all of those things."

"Obviously."

"Thanks, James."

"Finally, you called me James. Oh, and you're welcome. I like to shower my girlfriend with compliments every now and then."

"Rather like everyday."

"Can't a boy express his love for the girl he lo—I mean, adores a lot?"

"I suppose he can. By the way, I love you too, despite your idiocy."

"L-Love?"

"Yes, I love you, you prat. Now wipe that gobsmacked expression off of your face. I know you love me back."

"I l-love you, Lily."

"Love you too."

"You're amazing. Marry me, Lilyflower?"

"…no."

"Why not?"

"You called me Lilyflower."

"You are a flower. You're sweet, beautiful, and lovely as one."

"…thank you, James."

"Anytime. Is that a yes?"

"No."

"Find. So…want to find Moony and Padfoot? Fastest gets to take the mickey out on them."

"You're on. And don't cheat, Potter, I know you have a map that tracks the location of everyone in the school."

"…damn, nothing escapes your notice."

"You're not exactly subtle."

"All right, fine. Are we doing this race or what?"

"I'd thought you never ask—mmph!"

"…"

"…"

"…mmm, that feels good—wait, where are you—YOU SNEAKY BASTARD!"

 **A/N: This is open to interpretation. *winks* Just to clarify, James pulled a classic "kiss-then-run"** **technique to distract Lily so he could get a headstart.**


End file.
